Diary of a married Lily PotterMalfoy
by Accidental Goddess
Summary: what would it be to read the diary of a married Lily Potter-Malfoy. It shows you that you may love deep but it's not easy to be married no matter how long you been together.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer****: **Honestly, why do we bother? _You_ know I don't own it

**Diary**** of a married Lily Potter-Malfoy**

Dear Diary,

I've been married to Scorpius for 4yrs now. But this is the first time we have had a fight so bad that he wanted to leave me. It was started over something so stupid. He was out with some friends having a guys night out. He called on our muggle cells to tell me the guys were going to stop in. but the phones being muggle made it sucks so he didn't hear me answer. So after the 3rd time, when he could hear me, I was mad. (my redheaded family all have a bit of a temper) so his friend heard me be prissy( to put it nicely) and I embarrassed him.

The next day he tried to talk to me about it but I was on the defiance which made him mad at me. To the point he said we needed space & how he can't be with married to a child & how he didn't think I can be a wife. I freaked I cried & cried for days I didn't eat or sleep much. I didn't understand how someone can say they still love me but say he had to have space & think hard if he would stay. He told me the day after that , he tell me that most he was mad & hurt that I was still friends with my ex's brother. But I didn't hide the fact but he felt I didn't.

I didn't think it would hurt Scorpius so. Or that I was disrespecting him in anyway. My friends say it's because I was sheltered & that's why I act that way & that I should grow & be a better person & wife. I understand but it's hard. Scorpius even hurt me by talking to his ex, a muggle with kids, calling her sweetheart & sweetie making her think something would happen between them. He did it so I would see. So I'd know how he felt but I didn't talk to my ex much less call any one other them him sweetheart or babe. And she called him that to.

It took a lot of talking to my friends, who I haven't talk to in months, and a lot of praying. Yea a witch who prays to god, so what. And I was finally able to talk to him without freaking out or crying. This seemed to impress him and he told me he'd like to work it out. I told my friend I can't contact him any more if it was hurting my marriage & thank god he understood. Scorpius in turned told his ex sorry that he lead her on and that he can't contact her any more if he was to give us a shot. I still hurt form his cruelty but I guess I had it coming.

I am scared how can I act normal when all this has happened. He is telling to show I respect him but not to over do it. Married life is hard how do mum an dad do it. Well Diarytell you more tomorrow.

-** Author's Note****: this is just to give another view on life. I wrote what I know & see. Please be nice with your review ppl.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer****:**Honestly, _You_ know I don't own it

p.s. sorry I have been trying to figure out how to post this chap.

**Diary****of a married Lily Potter-Malfoy**

Dear Diary,

Well it's been a while since I wrote you last. We are slowly working things out but I am still scared I may do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing that will set him off & leave me. I had 2 weeks of nothing fear that Scorpius would leave me. Because he said he doesn't believe in marriage. It leave me feeling bloody anxious.

The worst part is his best friend knows all about it & then it's not so bad he knows since he is my brother. Albus talks to us both. And it's a good then in a way since he tells me he'll always be there for me. But I don't want them to lose their friendship now after so many years. Albus seems to know what to say to both of us. But in the end I don't want to lose my husband. He is my heart & soul mate. I know I am so cheesy but I don't care it's just how I feel.

I am sure I am not the only wife who has been through this but I feel alone. Scorpius seems happy right now, & we been having a lot of fun these days. Doing muggle martial arts & making love a lot more. But in the back of my mind the fear is still there. I hate the fact that I am weak. I hope I don't show it. I keep thinking to myself that I am not weak but stronger then before and I can take anything that comes my way, any hit. And I'll be ok for a while but then the fears back like it never left.

And today it was harder to hide my fears form Scorpius. Why you ask? The Malfoy's where once a rich family but the day when Scorpius grandfather worked for the dark lord put them in near ruin. So we live comfortable but there are days we are broke have to sell or pawn goods to pay wizard bills. Well today was one of those days and we had to pawn our wedding rings. (we don't want to ask for help form our family) Scorpius kept telling me he'll get them back in two weeks when he get paid. But here's the thing it hurts because it's the one thing in our marriage that I can hold on to with my hands. And know it won't leave unless I want it to.

He told me as he held my hand to hold on to him and ever let go. I've been doing that but that won't stop him if he chose to leave. And with everything happening I don't dare bring up having kids. All we have are our dogs war, lighting & pep, & owl Aries. I don't even think he ever wanted any in the first place, but like I said I don't dare bring it up.

I left to visit my family for the weekend while he stayed with his cousin Teddy. When I got back he crushed me to him and kissed me to the point I lost where I was. His smile was big when he said welcome home. Then we made love long and hard. Like to people who hadn't eaten in days, we clung to each other. Our skin slick & pink with sweat as we move to our own rhythm. For those few moments it was easy to forget all that had happened. To believe nothing will ever happen to pull us apart.

If only that feeling had lasted a few more moments, hours, or days. I pray things will work out and I can stop being scared that Scorpius will leave. But I can be honest that I will never forget these days of fear of a love lost. Pray that a find a way to be strong.

Wrote more soon diary.

**Author's Note****: this is just to give another view on life. I wrote what I know & see. Please be nice with your review ppl.**

**Thanks for your review**

diyame: it does seem over board but I have seen these thing happen. Just because the other is so mad & feels disrespect. But this is not to say I won't give them their happiness. It's just to show how hard marriage and that some ppl will walk away while other will stay b/c they know in the end it's worth it.

A Light in the Night: Getting pregnant doesn't always help. In fact sometimes it can push ppl apart just as easily as it can bring them together. But no worries every one deserves some happiness. ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer****: **Honestly, _You_ know I don't own it

**Diary**** of a married Lily Potter-Malfoy**

Dear Diary,

Well since I wrote you last. Things have been going good. But there are still times were I was sure I mess something up & he'd get mad at me but he won't, he'd laugh and then I relax. Or he'd get mad about something and it'd be my fault some how.

How can anyone live with this paranoia? We have been working out 2 times a week. So that new gives us something in common and to bond over.

But he still has not talked about us seeing a marriage therapist. Maybe he wants to see how we do without one or maybe he thinks we may not be able to work things out so why bother. Damn I sound messed up even to myself.

I can only imaging by cousin what Rose would say about my random way of thinking. She'd say something like you need to keep positive your only making yourself suffer, because males don't think or feel how we do. So keep cool. But she'd says it like she was my mom. :/

My cousin Dom would be short & sweet. Stop thinking and it he makes you mad you leave first. Get a new model if he can't see what he has. Etc, etc, etc.

I love them but they are stronger then I am emotionally. I've always been a bit of a drama queen when it comes to getting hurt feelings. But I am trying. So far he don't seem to notice anything them what I do around the house for him without magic.

My way of showing I appreciate him & want to spoil him. Time will tell it's been almost a month since we had any fights. Wish my well that we keep it up

Wrote more soon diary.


End file.
